Keypage: The Red Mist’s Page

E.G.O. The weapon that corresponds to the mind of its wielder. The sword Carmen gave me was extracted from someone by chance. Giant eyeballs were attached to the sword adorned with crimson chunks of flesh; they watched my every move, almost to the point of making me feel a bit uncomfortable. Wondering if this was a product of some new Singularity, I asked Carmen what the thing was; she only said that I’ll have to get used to it, since there’s little she can do about how it looks. Although it looked a bit creepy, it wasn’t anything unbearable, and Carmen didn’t seem to mind it as long as there were experiments to be performed with it. She added that I have to be careful with it as it was thanks to sheer luck that the “E.G.O” could be extracted at all in its unstable state. I had a plethora of experience handling various workshop products, so I decided to take the sword without much hesitation.

When I first had the sword in my grip, I didn’t feel anything in particular. All I could tell is that it’s just a big, heavy greatsword; nothing out of the ordinary other than its appearance. But when I held the sword a few days later to protect a coworker of mine, I heard a voice. It was the voice of someone desperately yearning for something. Unfortunately, the meaning of that voice was lost on me. Rather… it wasn’t even human speech. An awkward sound mimicking somebody. Noises of teeth grinding, bones crackling, mingling with flesh. Some things collide, fall apart, and mix in irregular patterns as if to mimic the way humans speak. However, that sound was too violent and sharp. The strong obsession of an empty one. Attachment. Void. I’m not sure what word I should use to define this.

One thing I understood was that only I could hear that voice, and that it rang in my head rather than my ears. The stronger and clearer my aim to protect someone became, the louder the noise in my head got. Anxious that my mind might be consumed by the voice if I let it weaken my will, I tried my best to pretend that I didn’t hear it. The eyes on the blade carefully observed me as I fought the voice in my head. The piercing gaze persisted as if to replace me if I faltered even for a second; it made me feel hazy sometimes. The “voice” was only a bunch of grinding noises at the beginning, but it slowly learned to speak over time. Soon enough, it started speaking in a language that I could understand, though it stammered a bit. It takes human hide to protect human flesh. A shell… It kept asking for a shell. I couldn’t stop the voice, so the most I could do was ignore it.

Even though there was danger in using it, its power was formidable; with it, I protected many a person, and cut down many a threat. The voice became stronger and deeper with the more blood the blade drank. One day, it asked a sharp question: “Don’t you desire a human shell as well?” When I think back on it, the question might not have been aimed at me specifically. It would only say whatever it wanted to say. It wouldn’t try to convince or allure me. All it uttered was monologue. Yet, I was frozen stiff when I heard that. It kept saying something. Are our lives really worth the blood I spilt for them? It wasn’t actually capable of forming such detailed sentences, but my head took it that way for some reason… Maybe I was thinking to myself.

I denied its claim at the start. I’d never provoked anyone first. I’d only acted to protect others from an approaching danger. But, I felt a small part of myself waver from what the voice said. What will remain when I keep washing away blood with blood? A bloodstained shell would be all that is left.

I collapsed for a moment; but I didn’t stop thinking. If I broke down, I might be in danger as Carmen warned. Carmen… Right, Carmen would’ve been different. Nothing could possibly beat the glitter in her eyes that shines as she pioneers a new path. Those honest, virtuous eyes… Even when someone jeered at her speech, even when everyone despaired in the face of an obstacle that brought progress to a halt, Carmen never stopped looking after others. She would always take the initiative to lead all of them. If I can protect a person like that, maybe this place will change? Yes. As long as I can protect that one person.

As my thoughts became clearer, I couldn’t just sit down. My body acted before my head could decide what to do. I don’t exactly remember what happened then. When I finally took a grip on my rationality in a vast mindscape and came back to my senses, my body was burning hot. Is this rage? Have I been taken over to the point where I can’t even see ahead? But I felt so calm, refreshed even. My head was kept cool, while my heart leading the body was aflame. It wasn’t long until I felt that something was different. On solid armor, there was a layer of something tough and dense, but it wasn’t fabric… A veil of mist was covering me. Astonished, I moved around and shook my limbs several times, and the veil dissipated soon after.

When Carmen learned of this, she didn’t say much. She didn’t make a big fuss about it or suggest trying something with it right away. She only said that wielding this power is more important than simply manifesting it, so I shouldn’t be lazy… She went back to work after leaving that peculiar piece of advice. Maybe she didn’t want me to feel too much pressure.

As more time passed, I could use the armor for longer, and eventually got to draw out its full power. I had a weapon and armor that resonate with my emotions. Using them, I could protect more people, and I was able to draw forth more durability and strength. The researchers seemed to be struggling to make progress with their work, but it was alright. I believed in them to make it through, and I just had to be quicker to do my job in the meantime. However, not long after, the incident happened all too suddenly. No, maybe it wasn’t so sudden. The sign was there.

Just around this corner, I can hear a child crying; she’s sitting in front of a door. One of the two children Carmen took in died in a failed experiment. Unlike Lisa who was wary and reluctant to open up to us, Enoch showed interest in our research, and volunteered to be a test subject the other day. Enoch’s speech was so concise and on point, everyone was shocked. He wasn’t afraid, and he wasn’t shaking… His voice was unswerving and gentle. Enoch’s eyes weren’t those of a naive little kid. His words and thoughts were surprisingly deep and mature; even I was astonished. I sometimes wondered what made this kid have such thoughts. His eyes seemed to have already seen so much of this world’s despair and misfortune. However, it was still no reason to allow a kid to participate in the experiments. Carmen spent several nights agonizing over the matter.

The experiment was authorized at last, though I didn’t want to know what they thought of it anymore. What were they going to do, holding the hand of that little kid? I had to wonder if we were that desperate. But I shrugged it off. I wasn’t one to stop him from doing what he chose to do.

“You should’ve been the one to die…” The other kid, who was now all alone, mumbled crying. Her words had no weight to it. She probably spouted what she didn’t sincerely mean, because the situation was too much for her.

“Yeah… I— I should have died.” Carmen’s answer, on the other hand, was likely sincere. Everyone stood still. A crack appeared in our minds which we never thought would crumble. Maybe we all expected it to happen deep down.

Carmen’s state worsened with each passing day, like a rusting nail. The sunny eyes of the woman who had brought us together were now cloudy, and she spoke less and less. Her voice was lifeless, and she had gotten so cold; it wouldn’t have come to anyone’s surprise if she died at any moment. She didn’t bother trying to look okay. I think it was better that way. Everyone in the laboratory felt constraint in her presence. They viewed Carmen in different ways. Reproachful looks of those resenting her for bringing them so far, only to let go of her responsibility. Concerned looks of those worried that something might happen to her. And I guess there were some who had no thoughts. The research went on quietly, but not for long.

A few days later, Carmen spilled out all of the guilt within her and plunged into it, never to come back up.