Hod — Episode 4Location: The Library - Floor of LiteratureRoland(Servant)I like how quiet and peaceful this floor can be.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland1"Roland(Servant)And the librarians here seem calm and collected, just like you are, Hod.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland2"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Oh, hey Roland.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod1 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)They may seem meek and quiet, but when they work, they work hard. I rely on them a lot.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod2"Roland(Servant)And I’m relying on my librarians quite a bit, too.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland3"Roland(Servant)What are you guys doing anyway, all gathered up here? Doesn’t seem like you’re sorting books.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland4"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)We were having a meetup of our book discussion club. We pick a book that catches our attention, read it, and then talk about it.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod3 (2)"Roland(Servant)Not exactly the kind of meetups the librarians on my floor would like to have.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland5"Roland(Servant)I’m guessing your librarians are all gladly joining in with you then?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland6"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Yeah, they are. They’re helping me out with this more passionately than I expected.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod4"Roland(Servant)I was thinking at least some of ‘em would protest out of laziness.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland7"Roland(Servant)Imagine if you asked Netzach to join. He’d have run away before the meetup could even start.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland8"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Hahaha. You’ve got that right, he totally would.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod5"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Still, I can tell things have changed from the past.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod6 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I used to have similar meetups back in Lobotomy Corp, you see.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod7 (2)"Roland(Servant)Really? I suppose those weren’t the peaceful book club meetings you have now.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland9"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)You’re right. I ran a counseling program with my employees.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod8 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)They were always living in fear of the Abnormalities if they were lucky enough to survive. I wanted to be of help somehow.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod9 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)But back then, I imposed myself and my ideas on them too hard.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod10"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)If the employees seemed ever so slightly uncomfortable with counseling, I’d beat myself up over it and let the wound fester inside of me.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod11 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I was upset that no one understood my goodwill.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod12 (2)"Roland(Servant)Sorry to say this, but… Past you sounds like a tiring one to deal with.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland10"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)…I know, right? I think so too.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod13"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)All the things I did to help others weren’t really out of goodwill or anything.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod14 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I was just seeking consolation for myself.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod15 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I wanted forgiveness for the misdeed I committed in my first life.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod16 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)By being helpful to others somehow.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod17 (2)"Roland(Servant)So, did you get to be a helpful person?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland11"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)No… There’s no way I’d actually be of any help with that kind of mindset.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod18"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I even tried Enkephalin.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod19"Roland(Servant)Enkephalin, huh… The pressure must’ve been serious if you started doing drugs…Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland12"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Despite everything I tried, I couldn’t find salvation anywhere.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod20"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Nothing I did could liberate me from the fact I was a bad person and a sinner.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod21 (2)"Roland(Servant)And then you almost had the chance to take that weight off your mind, but Angela foiled that in the end?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland13"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Yeah, that’s how it went.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod22"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Even when Angela was standing in our way, I was only thinking about myself. Selfish, wasn’t I?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod23 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)“This was my one and only chance to finally repent once and for all, but it all came to naught…”Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod24"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)It’s silly, I know… I was still too stupid to realize it then.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod25"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)That you can’t just become a good person through a good deed or two.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod26 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)What really matters is the mindset that prompts you to do such deeds.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod27 (2)"Roland(Servant)And how’d you run into that realization?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland14"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Well, I learned it after talking to my librarians face to face and holding lots of meetups like this, ironically enough.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod28"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I carefully suggested having these book club meetups, too.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod29 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Like you said, a few librarians didn’t like the idea at first.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod30"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)But when I explained why I wanted to hold this meetup and how I felt, they warmed up to it and helped me out with enthusiasm.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod31 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)It wasn’t about the method or action itself.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod32 (2)"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I realized that we should lay our hearts out in the open and let our thoughts confront each other.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod33 (2)"Roland(Servant)All’s well that ends well.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland15"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)For sure. Maybe Angela looked forward to this outcome?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod34 (2)"Roland(Servant)Hmm… Not sure if our prideful Miss Library Director had the delicacy to set up a plan so considerate.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland16"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)…I think I’m going to confront her for real this time.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod35 (2)"Roland(Servant)For what, exactly?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland17"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)I’ll face Angela and let her know what I think.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod36 (2)"Roland(Servant)That’s going to take some courage.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland18"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)You’re right. Angela still feels a bit distant and scary to me, but I’ll try to approach her nonetheless.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod37"Roland(Servant)And I’ll be rooting for you from the sidelines when that time comes!Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland19"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)You might end up losing your limbs again if things don’t go well. Are you gonna be okay with that?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod38 (2)"Roland(Servant)…From a distance, of course!Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland20"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)You’re a coward just like me, aren’t you, Roland?Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod39 (2)"Roland(Servant)Well hey, birds of a feather flock together. Let’s be both brave, together as cowards.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_roland21"Hod(Patron Librarian - Literature)Yeah. Thanks for the encouragement, Roland.Audio: "ch8_Hod_ep4_hod40"
